Britains got Mortgages!

Saturday nights are not the same without variety shows. That splendour of mix, surprise, and anticipation of what is to come. Throw in a panel, a buzzer and an audience and you get prime time tv. So, it is with much anticipation that Britains Got Mortgages returned to ITV this weekend with its creator SiMoney Cowell back to front the show.

What a show it was. There was a dangerous display from "The Dual Pricer" that left the audience outraged. A great example of flexibility in a gymnastic display by the beautiful young girl Aldermore (ahhhhh who can forget her) who bent over backwards, sideways and hung upside down to a beautiful rendition of "Help I need Somebody". There were the wacky sheep impersonations by Nationwide and Coventry who just seemed to copy everyone else on stage. There was a somewhat curious display by new group Virgin Money who played a supposed very "fast track" of music (that seemed normal speed to everyone else) and then removed the track and simply walked off the stage. Strange one. But, perhaps the most talked about act was the disappearing act from the double act Nat and West who together were "NatWest"

Here were some of the highlights from the show, with hosts Application McPartlin & Declaration Donnelly.

App: What a shooooo we've got t'daaay Dec.

Dec: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaye App. By the way, have you groooown? You seem longer than last yeear?"

App: WEEEyeeey mun, noooo, just a bit more content like most Apps in the industry now you knoooow...

Dec: Well, lets meeet the new punnel (thats panel to non Geordies)

We have SiMoney Cowell, Carmen ElecTracker, Aleisha Discountson, David Fixediams (seriously, you try and make something mortgage related out of that name!!!)

Most memorable act

"My name is Nat"

"My name is West"

""...And together we are - NatWest!""

S: Okay girls, what are you going to today?

NW: Today, we are going to make Nats box marked "interest only", temporarily disappear.

D: That's a shame as we rather like her box (audience cheers)

NW: Well, I promise it will return (laughs West)

S: Alright Fixediams, that's enough flirting - girls?

It was clear the audience had some affection for NatWest, not to mention Nats box marked interest only. These kind of acts have been pulled from the stage very quickly so demand to see it was strong. Yet still NatWest proceeded with the act. NatWest placed a cloak over the box, and within seconds to a crescendo of "Another one bites the Dust", West took the cloak away and removed it swiftly. The interest only box had vanished. The crowd loved it, but Nats box never returned and the crowd started to turn on the act.

Aleisha: I thought it was a great act. And reminded me a little of when I was on Strictly Come Lending in that...

David: Hang on... where is Nats box of interest only now?

NatWest: It has temporarily disappeared.

Carmen: Well when will it return?

NatWest: I can't say. It has temporarily disappeared.

SiMoney: Look say by some miracle, we put you through, you'll be performing in front of the Queen? Will Nats Box be back then?

NatWest: We don't know if it will be back in time. But, you can see it in local theatres not available to brokers and also you don't have to pay to get in.

SiMoney: Erh. Look hang on. Look. Uhm. Speaking from my head...its no. But from my heart...its still a no.

The no's continued until Simon asked Fixediams and he responded with "Does anyone have Nats number?" Unfortunately NatWest didn't make it through. The show can still be seen in local theatres however, for free, or at least considerably cheaper than through broker channels, and with Nats box of interest only still available.

As the acts rolled on, the crowds responses were varied. Aldermore received huge cheers for her flexibility and the way she delivered her act and she sailed through to the next round. As did the elderly gentleman Abbey, who showed live on stage how to deliver a perfect service with a tennis racket. Aces continually. Not bad for an oldie!

But the question mark still remains with the act NatWest. Why remove Nats box of interest only from the Big Stage, giving no indication of when it will return, yet keep it continually returning for local theatres? To be honest, there was nothing amazing about Nats box of interest only, but now it can only be seen at local theatres, it seems the theatres now have something the big stage really wants, but can't have. This suggestion seems to defy logic and you can't help but wonder what the real motive behind this move is.

App: Well what a shoooow that were Dec.

Dec: Weeeyeeey App. Now lets get me signed, staple us together and get us posted, so this shoooow can get processed.

App: I dunno mun, I think there is a backlog...

Dec: Wey mun, there is always a backlog.